The Truth

Sometimes crap happens.

Due to prom I lost a friend and I know it could just be dropped and we could be friends but if I'm honest with myself, I don't want to be friends with her.

We had made plans to do things before prom and "go to prom together" since we both didn't have dates. She had previous plans at times and said she wasn't abandoning me so I just let it go. I was used to that kind of thing.


***

As I'm writing this post, don't get me wrong. I have known this girl since we were three years old and we have both helped each other through a lot of crap. She has helped me in the past but she has also done this to me before.

I have been a friend and have known her but we always have periods of where she gets pissed at me about something. But some of the time she just finds other people to hang out with and I get left alone. Eventually though, we always become friends again. When I met my current group of friends that's what stage I was at: alone. So I bonded with them and grew close and then at some point she came back into my life as a "BFF" and somewhat mingled with the group too but evidently grew tired of them.

***

The day before prom, K asked me to go with him. I'm not sure if he was doing it to get out of another date or if he asked me because he just wanted to. I assumed it was the first reason and said yes, thinking that B would be cool with it because I made it clear to him that I had previous plans with her and still intended on going through with them. So the plan was to have a girls day with B and then meet K at the school. I would switch between groups at prom, dancing with B and who ever and then with my group.

 I told B that I was going with K (plus the reason why) and that I was still planning on doing everything with her. I also told her that I couldn't go to after-prom. She got upset and said she didn't want to go but she would still do my nails. I was confused and wanted to clear the air as to why she was upset: none of our plans had changed.

The conversation goes on and I said "What?! No! =(" , thinking that she wasn't going to prom at all. She said she was still going to prom but didn't want to have dinner or hang out because she didn't want to feel like a third wheel and hang out with my group. I was happy that she was still going to prom and I told her that of course I wasn't going to have K come to dinner with us. I was confused about what she said about the group though: I had been planning on dancing with them as well as dancing with her. Its just that every other dance that we have been to she has always floated around and mingled with other groups so that's what I expected her to be doing. I just didn't want to stand there while she danced with people I didn't know.

Then she said she was upset because I ditched her for a guy I didn't even like.

Pause:

1.) She "ditched" me at least 3 times within the month that prom was held. I never got upset with her and figured if she had a good time that was all that mattered. Evidently she didn't think the same about me. I can see that she might have felt this way since it was a day before prom but I'm not a jerk. I made sure our plans wouldn't be changed and that we would still have that day.

2.) So...friends aren't allowed to go with friends of the opposite gender to prom? I understand what she means - maybe that he was using me to get out of a date or maybe that I was leading him on- but who's to day I didn't like him? I had talked to her before about homecoming and said it was uncomfortable dancing with him at times but I'm not comfortable around people in general. Plus my feelings could have changed. But I get it. That part is acceptable I suppose. I don't share thoughts very often so how could she know what I was thinking?

Play Scene >


This is the point in which I got pretty upset. I was trying my best to make it a good night for both parties and didn't understand why she was acting this way. So...since I was upset, this is where  my fault was: I brought up the times that she had been planning on "ditching" me at prom and I became a jerk about it.I said I felt like I was her back up plan every time and explained that I was still not feeling well so I couldn't go to after prom. I calmed down toward the end of the message and tried to explain it to her again: I was still willing to have plans and do things with her before and during prom. I even forwarded the message that I sent to K about the plans to her.

She basically repeated her last message and I continued to try and understand/ fix things. I apologized and explained to her about me being used to her running around dances. I then thanked her for still being willing to do my nails and then tried again to keep the plans. She repeated the message and added that she turned people down for prom plans because she had stuff with me ( I STILL WANTED TO HAVE PLANS) and that she got excited for prom but "now your just going with a guy thats using you because hes not enough of a grown up to tell ___ no" ( She was the one who told him to ask some one else to get out of it. Hm.) She then asked what time I wanted her to do my nails.

I asked her AGAIN if she wanted to keep the plans and then explained to her that I just wanted prom to be a fun night where I got to hang out with all of my friends and if she wanted to be a part of that she still could be but it was up to her. I also went on to say that I basically agreed to all of our plans becuase I was too tired and sick to really disagree, plus I had been grumpy to everyone (that was to explain my disliking of the group earlier that week). I didn't know she had told anyone else "no" or that she had any other offers except for the guys that canceled on her. "If you're upset with me you don't need to do my nails. I know I'm your best friend or thought I was but it has been back and forth for the last 3 months as to whom you were going to prom with. So here is what I want to do: I'm going with K to prom AS A FRIEND. I will hang out with you before hand if you want to. I'm going to dance with my friends. You also have other friends you can dance with if you don't want to be with the group. I'm sorry but its my day and choice too. "

She turned it around and said I was talking to her like she was an idiot. (I was just trying to make a clear plan quickly so I could go to work) And that she thought I didn't want to hang out with the group (see paragraph above). Then she played the victim ("I guess I'm wrong, as always") and said she had other FRIENDS that didn't ditch her for important events and that she guessed she wasn't doing my nails "cause apparently you think i want to take up all your time at prom which is a no i just don't want to hang out with..." etc. I retaliated with basically saying if she was planning on letting me do what i wanted during prom then what is the problem with me hanging out with my friends? She didn't have to. And how exactly was I ditching her?

The conversation ended and the next day I tried calling her and texting her - getting ahold of her in any way shape or form to let her know that I told K that I was canceling on him to make her happy. She never replied. I even saw her at prom and told her that despite the fact she probably hated me, she was gorgeous.

______

This whole post was my way of venting.I'm not one to go around school and run my mouth about people. I let go of this right after it happened because I'm sick of her doing this. But just a few days ago I had people telling me she was still bitching about how I ditched her/ canceled plans and about how terrible of a person I am.

Just let it go and realize you over reacted. You didn't think rationally about the situation before you yelled at me and now you want something to blame it on.

-Laura