To an Old Friend (Ramblings of a 17 Optimistic Pessimist)

You know how we talked about the group falling apart last year? How we clung onto the already shattering fragments of what we had known for so long? I can actually say the group is no longer in existence. Each bit and piece has found its place among our futuristic thoughts and though we may always be "high school friends" that's all we'll ever be.

I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. We all needed that time together and I'm glad that I had you guys when I did but now our time together is close to the end. I don't like saying goodbye to something. I'm not a fan of the unknown (as humans tend not to be).

This year has walked, dragged and carried me through various changes in attitude and emotions toward people including you. Despite all of these changes I still fear people's judgement about my actions because no matter how unbiased we try to be, every one judges. I fear your judgement as I talk to you about situations but also realize that your thoughts don't effect me any more.

I am sad to say one of the changes this year has brought is that I haven't been working on photography at all since the fall. Considering I was going to graduate early for that focus, this is a pretty big change. Although I'm not sure it was a change at all. Maybe the urge to grab my camera and run for the door is still somewhere within me, just being muffled by all the thoughts that have been streaming through my head.

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I don't know how my readers think about God, but I hope that you won't be offended by my doubts or my possible beliefs.

Big change #2 - I am so uncertain about God that I quit looking.

I feel like if you were honestly reading my blog (meaning your not just an advertisement) you may be mislead by the title. (So I'm going to change it.) I feel like I shouldn't take on the title "faithful" if I'm not even trying at this point. I just need a break from religion and all of it's expectations.

Hope all of you lovely people and computers are doing well.

Farewell,

Laura