Things and How They Are

Today was a beautiful day. 

It wasn’t hot, or cold and the air was fresh. It was a day to enjoy. 

But what I found was myself turning off my emotions and simply focusing on how nice of a day it was, and how I didn’t give a shit about anything anyone told me. 

I’m told so many things. How this person is doing, what happened last Tuesday, where she is, what he said, what happened in Walmart. So many things that don’t even matter. Just words. And I was sick of it. So for a whole 5 minutes I allowed myself to stop being polite, to stop responding and to stop caring. 

I became one of those people though and I sent a text to a friend, one of which I had been told a lot from. It simply said “Its really nice outside.” 

From this came the information and from the information came the wall. But within a few minutes time I inquired about the information. I set myself up.

I don’t know whats wrong with me, or why I’m writing. But there have been a few things on my mind and I haven’t really written a “post” in a while. 

And in all truth, I think the problem is that I really DO care about what people are saying and…honestly? It just gets emotionally exhausting. 

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My Senior year starts in five days. I’m pretty good at making lists so lets just do that. 

Thoughts (about Senior year):

1.) I have five days to read this book for AP English.

2.) I have five days to have a summer.

3.) I need to become more serious about my photography.*

4.) I just scheduled my ACT and I haven’t even tried to prepare for it yet.

5.) The band’s first football game is only in seven days and I’m the field commander.

6.) I’ve changed.

7.) This is it. 

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* I want to go to school to become a Photojournalist. The thing is I haven’t taken my camera to many places this summer and that, my friends, is the problem with photojournalism. To be able to get the shot in the right moment you need your camera in the right moment. There were so many opportunities for me to get the shots that I wanted, except for the fact that I didn’t have my camera and I’m regretting every one of them.

I feel like I just don’t care enough about photography to be able to say that I want to do it everyday of my life. Its one of the thing where I’ll say I don’t want to do it but then once I pick up my camera and take a day to explore, my love for it is renewed. This might not make sense. 

I rely on my “Program” setting far to often on my camera. I know the basics of how everything works but my technical knowledge of this beautiful machine is lacking.

I know how to manipulate settings and exposure times etc. to take the shot I want but the terminology isn’t in my head.

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I hate the (good) story basket. 

I feel like any story that a person shares, even if its relevant, gets thrown into the story basket.

The other day I was having a moment of appreciating the weather and the world around me. I tried to explain it to a friend and share the awe I was feeling when I got this in reply: “….cool story….*pulls out story basket*” 

WHAT THE HEY?! 

I don’t know, maybe I’m being irrational or something but it just bugs the heck out of me when people use it all the time. Like “Oh hey, anything I say goes into the basket. No one cares? Kaycool, I’ll just go back to being quite again.” 

This ties in with the first part of my post. I guess I just put a lot of time into listening to people, becoming emotionally involved in what they are saying and then when I try to express my thoughts, they’re thrown away. 

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I’m done with my rant and I would say that I’m sorry that I didn’t put much thought into it, and that I’m sorry my words are not beautiful when they’re like this, but I’m really not. I’m not sorry at all. 

Kcoolbye,

-Laura